Dealing with Homophobia as a Gay Tibetan in the Army

The following submission was made by a gay Tibetan who is currently in the army. Specific details were taken out to protect their identity, as there is still rampant ignorance and hostility around LGBTQ issues in the army. I applaud their determination in holding onto their truth, even in the face of frequent animosity. It’s definitely not an easy task, so thank you so much for sharing your story.

I joined the army after completing high school due to a financial crisis. I left my priorities behind cause I had to look after my parents. That was in 2008. During those years, people were not so aware of LGBTQ issues. I realized I was gay at an early age, and it felt so scary joining the army at that time cause I knew about the hatred and discrimination I would face in this job.

Being in a profession like the army, I think we hardly see an embrace of LGBTQ+ identities or get to see gay guys here. I have faced a lot of discrimination here; I was told I was lucky the day I performed my best in endurance. I got called a slut when I liked someone but that was my stupidity, opening my heart to a straight guy. I am always being told I got lucky or am undeserving whenever I perform my best here.

I have served my country for many years. Can you imagine that I have no guy friends here cause they don’t like to hang out with a gay guy and I don’t want to lie. There might be a few gay people here but nobody opens up. They hide, but I don’t want to live my life with a lie.

I remember when I got the order to go to the glacier and stay there for nine months with no technology. I decided to come out to my mom before climbing up. During that time, my mom was abroad. She had worked in a developed country for more than a decade as a domestic worker, so I thought she knew about all this little bit. I got the courage to tell her.

I decided to tell her before going to the glacier since she wouldn’t be able to contact me. I didn’t want to face her reaction right away. The glacier is up at a very high altitude and soldiers protect the boundaries there. I messaged her about everything that I had faced in my life. So after one month, I called her from the glacier but we didn’t talk about what had happened. The phone lines were connected officially so I chose not to talk about it.

After nine months, I came down and saw my mom. She cried a lot, she was not so supportive, and not so against the idea of me being gay. And I was happy with that. She did say, “You never acted like a girl so how can you be gay”. She didn’t know that sexuality is invisible and that gay people are not all the same. Till now, she doesn’t support me fully.

I have no problem in working here. I’m not giving excuses and saying that a gay guy shouldn’t join the army. The only thing I have a problem with is men who change women like clothes being so glorified here in the army while a man who is trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like theirs, trying hard to battle his truth is being outcasted and discriminated against so badly. That doesn’t make any sense.

In my field, I’m called on to perform various roles. I do my best. It’s not that everyone hates me here, it’s just that I feel so isolated by the actions over here. I am going to serve for a few more years since I have been in the army for a while. I’m gonna leave this job afterwards, as I need freedom and acceptance. I want to move somewhere else and start my life there. I also want to do something for transgender people before leaving. I’m financially independent so I can do that.

Somehow, it’s a little easier for gay guys and lesbians to tackle life. But I think life is very hard for transgender people so it’s just that I want to fill their lives with love. I’m in the Tibetan army and Tibetan army guys are so open about sex but when it comes to LGBT people, they intentionally or unintentionally ignore and most of the time become hateful too.

There were many times when I felt used. I consider it as my mistake and a situation where I lost my hope and scope. But I believe that characteristics can be changed. Feelings cannot be changed. I have a sister who is working for an airline, and she always supports me. I used to share my feelings with my schoolmates, who are working in the civil department and abroad. They were always supportive.

The army is slow to change and always pushing back against LGBTQ inclusivity. Most of the very important people in the army were saying we are modernized but not westernized–but I condemn that. To accept the truth has nothing to do with western cultures.